Was it me?

“Which then led me to think to myself: was it me, was I the problem? Low-key, yes, I was.” I am sure this reflection hit a nerve for those who read my last post, The Existential Crisis of a Teacher. Let’s talk about it.

The only thing I accept responsibility for is draining MY energy by putting my life on pause for things that were never within my control.

Once I mapped out what was in my circle of control, my perception shifted. That shift didn’t happen without first acknowledging the chaotic environment we, as teachers, work in, societally speaking. So, let’s zoom out and unpack that for a sec.

Society is completely different from what it used to be. Kids are not the same. They have too much access to things that they are not developmentally ready to consume, which has had detrimental consequences for today’s classroom environment.

Among these consequences are brain development being completely altered, attention spans diminishing, and an insatiable need for instant gratification.

Intrinsic motivation is nearly impossible to achieve. Students have transformed the classroom into a currency system of rewards, elevating extrinsic motivation to a whole new level.

For example, I play Kahoot! with my students often. Sometimes I’ll give the top three a reward — candy or a water bottle sticker. I don’t give rewards every time as I am trying to build intrinsic motivation. Unfortunately, the students have a hard time accepting that’s how I roll.

“Doc! That’s not fair!”

“Doc! I got sixth place, I should get candy!”

“Doc! You hate me!”

It is an endless cycle of negotiation and attempted guilt trips. It is truly a fun-sucker. But my students' reactions are not in my control. How I respond is. Typically, when this happens, I move into a mini life lesson and enjoy the eye rolls.

In all seriousness, as teachers, we do not get to see the full impact we have on our students. However, I do hope that my students remember the life lessons or little nuggets of wisdom I give them in the times they need it the most. That is all I can do.

Students are not the only ones impacting today’s classroom environment. So, let’s move on to administrators, government officials, and parents.

There are struggling administrators who probably shouldn't be in administration. There are also several people in higher-up positions who have no idea what they are doing. Government officials making decisions about education, who have never taught.

Some parents are not involved or helpful with THEIR child.  I've seen all the TikToks of parents saying teachers are the problem, their children are the teachers’ responsibility, “don’t call me, how dare you call me about my child?” Those make me laugh out of disbelief and irritation. This happened to one of my colleagues a year ago. Her student's mother literally said, “Here’s my mother’s number, call her from now on.”

She never answered the phone again. You can’t make this stuff up — and people still wonder why there’s a teacher shortage.

Of all the things I have acknowledged, are any of those things in our control? Is it fair? Absolutely not. Is it frustrating? Beyond belief! Does it suck? 100%!

You can absolutely catch me going on and on (in the most dramatic way possible, because that is the fun and destressing part of venting) about how technology is rotting students’ brains, the education system is inequitable, it sucks, people are in charge who shouldn't be, there are zero checks and balances, how students drive me crazy, violence in the classroom is skyrocketing, parents being unresponsive or apathetic. Trust me, I have been around for 10 years now, and I understand. I am not delu-lu.

However, I started this journey for myself. How can I improve my quality of life while doing something that I truly love (which sucks the life out of me daily)? It was time for me to regain control of my circle, which includes:

• Regulating my emotions

• My actions

• My perception

• Advocating, but letting go of the results

• How I spend my time

Regaining control of my circle doesn't mean that things don't get under my skin anymore; that would be the biggest lie ever. I have DAYS, trust me. However, now I have so many more beautiful days than DAYS.

Coincidentally, the difference slapped me in the face during my drive home from work. The universe was universe’n again. A few nights ago, I was driving home, it was about 6 pm, a time when I am usually drained and have zero energy, and my wife noticed a change in me. She said, “Hey, you have a lot of energy. You must be in a good mood.”

I paused for a second and responded, “Hey, you're right! This is crazy. I never have energy by the time I get home.”

I was ecstatic. I proved to myself that putting my energy into the things that were mine to control — and letting go of the things that weren’t — brought me peace, joy, and the energy to live my life fully.

So, was it me? Was I the problem? Yes, I was in my life. I let my students and the toxic teaching environment control me. That was the problem. I lost control of the things I could control, and I was suffering and at times insufferable because of it.

To regain control of my circle required me to be present, so I could be more conscious of the reactionary choices I was making.

Here’s how I manage to protect my peace, while not losing my voice and ultimately myself.

I advocate and take action at my school regularly but let the result go. Honestly, there has been a change. Maybe not exactly how I’d want things to be, but progress is progress.

I do not stress over my students' obstacles/life lessons. I offer wisdom when there is an opportunity. However, I let go of the result. It is their lesson to learn.

I shifted my perception. Every day is beautiful. I am alive, doing what I love, and giving what I can. I am content with that. Consequently, my students have been an absolute delight. (Probably because I, too, am more pleasant to be around).

The funny thing is, the behavior hasn't changed so much. What has changed is my perception.

I have one student (that is a lie, more like 10) who drives me CRAZY. So CRAZY I used to let it consume me. This student, in particular, shouts all the time for everything. He could be right in front of me, just shouting as if I wouldn't be able to hear him if he didn’t shout. In my mind, I would repeat STFU!!! (For those who know me, know I suffer from Captain America Syndrome, so naturally I felt awful just thinking that.)

Can you blame me though? It was incessant!

It was so triggering to me, especially when he'd scream “dumbass” every five seconds. It would ruin my entire day. Some days, I was able to manage, talk to him, and it would be alright. Other days, I was like, “Na, not today. Admin take him for a while because I am about to explode.”

Once I shifted my perception and started leaning on my earplugs again, GAME CHANGER. Now it is so much easier for me to keep my cool and protect my peace. I can just look at him, not even with the hardcore teacher stare. I can keep my calm and use my arms to signal take it down a notch, and he says, “My bad, doc!”

Most importantly, he would chill out instantly. At the end of the day, he is a kid, I am an adult. There is power in that. He is watching how I react to him, and he is learning from me.

Now, there are extreme cases. I deal with fights; there was essentially the form of a weapon in my classroom, pencils being used as weapons, etc. Unfortunately, as teachers, we are not miracle workers, nor can we stop life from happening either.

Do teachers deserve to feel safe? Absolutely. Do students? Of course. However, isn't this just life? It is out of our control. Anything could happen on any given day. Violence on school campuses is not only a school or education system issue. Let's not pretend it is or accept all the blame for it. A teacher’s education is in pedagogy and academics, y'all. Not behavioral health, psychology, therapy, or psychiatry. This epidemic is a societal problem. Call it what it is.

So, should we put our lives on hold for kids that aren’t ours?

The answer is no.

Protect your joy and peace as if your life depends on it —

because literally it does.